Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Slummin' at the Laundromat

Ok, it’s seriously time to move. I’m over doing laundry, and this fatass is running around without his shirt on, presumably because he only owns one. I am trying to be nice, but the dude is driving me nuts, preaching about the joys of a single dollar blind when he tears it up at the Wendover Nugget Poker Room. “I’ve played poker for 40 years, but damn it is hot. I live in Mesquite, damn it’s hot. You know the washers are $2.25 in St. George, damn it’s hot. Are you hot? This town sure beats Vegas don’t it? I hear they’ll have 20 more casinos….” and so on.

Its time for some poker playing (Etiquitte) lessons. Here are some important tips for the masses:

1. Don’t put your cards under the button if you want to fold. Just throw them in like everyone else. Just ‘cuz you know how to slide them under a plastic disc, it doesn’t make you cool, a pro, or anymore Rico Suave like than you already are. Digging them out from under there is time consuming, and puts your cards at risk of being exposed. Stop slowing the game down trying to be cool.

2. The same goes for the dollar tip you put on top of your cards when you muck the winner. Don’t get me wrong, I love the dollar, but just throw it to me. Serving it up on a KEM platter does nothing for me. However, I don’t mind $5 chips at all. You can send those in however you want.

3. Don’t leave on your button. You held your piss through the blinds; one more hand won’t kill you. Respect your neighbors, don make them post double blinds. This is for forward moving button games only. In stationary button games, players can go when they want.

4. God gave you a mouth, use it. Don't leave us all wondering what you are doing when you throw some odd amount or are staring off into space. If you want to call, SAY CALL! If you want to raise, SAY RAISE! If you need time, just ask.

5. Don’t check a hand down with your buddies or perceived friends. If you do, don’t be obvious. Soft play is cheating; I don’t care how you do it. Nothing turns me off more than being bet out of a pot and then having two poindexters check it down.

6. Don’t ask the dealer “did I tip you?” If you’re not sure, just throw some more, it’s the right thing to do, trust me. Besides, I’m going to say no anyway…..

I’ll post some more when I think of them. In the mean time, I’ve gotta go. I think Mr. Chattyshirt is trying to steal my laundry.


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